Sunday, September 27, 2015

Still addicted to cheese: is there a support group for that?

The grilled cheese is a gift from gods on high,
A monument to storms so blustery.
I curl up, watch the rain droplets pass by
And munch on mozzarella buttery.

Best friends with soup, the grilled cheese likes to swim—
Some lentil, chicken noodle, or potato.
With beans and broccoli my bowl does brim,
But I like grilled cheese most dipped in tomato.

Though perfect in a chilly thunderstorm
Or as the end to worn out sleepy days,
This sandwich is not fit for summers warm;
I much prefer a juicy fruit buffet.

While strawberries are sweet and apples tart,
Grilled cheese will always stay close to my heart.

I mostly focused on fixing the meter that was off by fixing words that either didn't fit the stress pattern or sounded too forced in order to fit the stress pattern. Also, I tried to keep a healthy balance of enjambment in the sonnet.

P.S. This is the grilled cheese maker my husband and I received as a wedding present. It's pretty snazzy!

3 comments:

  1. The iambic pentameter seems to be spot on and I like that you have multi-syllable words within the lines of the poem instead of just a bunch on one syllable words.

    Also, that grilled cheese maker looks pretty awesome!

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  2. I really liked the way you fixed the things we talked about in class! I also still love the subject matter obviously. I think your volta is good and your iambic pentameter works. I think the words "my bowl" still throw me off a little bit. I just say both unstressed. The inversion of those words also might be a little to Shakespearean. However, I really like the poem over all. I think the changes that you made made it even better!

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  3. The iambic pentameter was much better. "Blustery" and "rain droplets" still felt a little awkward, but that might just be me. I like the ending couplet better as well. Good job!

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