A Sonnet on Vomit
When I reflect on beef of Taco Bell
I stop and think of sugar doughnuts past.
And then I start to sniff some awful smell,
Each breath recalls what I devoured last.
Then I can feel the acid start to turn.
For nasty food is in my stomach's pit.
My belly now cries out, "When will you learn?"
Oh no! I think my gullet might just split!
And then I grieve at celery forgone.
I mourn the loss of healthy muscle tone.
At this rate I'll be passed out before dawn.
All I can do is sit and start to groan.
My throat constricts and I begin to spew.
A perfect way to bid my food adieu.
Thanks for reading for me!
From what I have counted, it seems that you have everything in iambic pentameter. I like the revision but I must say I do miss the bonbon. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think I do to, I just still worry I'm forcing it. Would you change the way I worded anything? Or does anything else seem forced?
DeleteThis is awesome! The revisions worked really well. I think there's still one spot that reads awkward to me, just in the second to last stanza, where it say "At this rate I'll be passed out before dawn"
ReplyDeleteWhen I read "passed out" it felt off because I give both words equal stress. Otherwise the meter was really good! I think your changes worked well.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is hilarious. On the first line I think "from" instead of "of" might flow better? And the fourth line on the second stanza seems a little out of place. But that's just my opinion.
ReplyDelete