Lizy - Your research and explication are very thorough!
Great job on doing your homework!
If you’re worried
about space, I don’t think you need to have an individual paragraph for each
play in part 1. In fact, I think that you could probably get away with cutting
those three paragraphs entirely and just jumping right in to your paper. I think
that a little fine tuning might also help in cutting your paper down. What do
you need to drive your point across? What information is superfluous? All in
all, good job Lizy!
Steve – Good way of phrasing the old nature vs. nurture
argument. It seems like you’re emphasizing the nurture part, saying, “Well it’s
not quite all his fault?” Am I understanding that correctly? Anyway, I thought
it was quite an excellent viewpoint on a much debated topic. One thing I
noticed about the paper that you might want to consider revising: avoid cliché phrases
and long sentences. Sometimes there are really long phrases in the sentences,
so it’s hard to remember previous clauses by time the sentence is over, and
then the sentence doesn’t make sense. Anyway, nice job. After you revise, I
think it will look fabulous!
You got it right Kaylee. Thanks for your criticism! I will definitely put it to good use.
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